I want to put this out there. 

I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing people getting at me because I’m a negative person. 

Want to know why the fuck I’m so goddamn negative?

Let me start at the beginning of kindergarten. 

All through kindergarten I had to deal with stupid kids bullying me. 

Everyday for the whole entire year I had the shit beat out of me. 

I always thought I deserved it though because I never stopped my dad from beating my mom. I thought it was my fault she would cry every night. 

I still think that. 

After my parents got a divorce we moved in with one of my moms friends. Being young I never realized what was happening. 

For several years, at night when my mom was gone he would watch me. But, that’s not all he did. At night, when I was scared I would go and sleep with him. At night, he would touch me. 

I was probably…. About 7 when it first started happening. 

So, at 7 through 11 I was being molested. 

Oh boo hoo Erin. That’s so bad. It happens to people all the time. 

Yeah, well shut the fuck up. It puts a damper on things. 

So, at age 9 there were these girls that would bully me. One day, I finally snapped. 

All my life the only person I ever wanted acceptance from was my father. 

Sad right? Oh fucking well. 

That one day, those girls told me that the reason my father wasn’t coming to the daddy daughter dance was because he didn’t love me. 

Guess what you bitches, I took you seriously. 

So you know what I did? I took all my moms pills and tried to over dose in the school bathroom. I was sick and tired of life. I didn’t want to live. 

I was 9 years old. Thanks a lot guys. Thanks. Seriously. 

After that day I was put in therapy. Whoop. 

I started cutting that day too. 

I transferred to Jacksonville when I was 11. 

Starting at the beginning of the year, everyone called me a lesbian since I had short hair. 

Fuck you guys. My mom still hates me because she thinks I’m a lesbian. 

I transferred to another city after that. Guess what? 

One of the girls followed me there too by coincidence. 

Guess what else? She told everyone I was a fucking lesbian. 

One day my mom and I got into one of our worst fights (did I mention we don’t get along?). As I locked myself in the bathroom my mom was yelling at me. Then it hit me what she said. ” I don’t know mom. I don’t care anymore. (this part was directed at me.) I hope she just kills herself.”

What did I do? I downed a lot of pills, slit my wrists, legs, thighs, and neck. I walked out as normal as can be. But, I was drenched in blood. Know what my mom said? “What is wrong with you? Now, I have to waste my gas taking you to the hospital. This time you’re going to be admitted into the mental health center. I can’t handle you.”

Thanks Mom. I was in there for a little over three months. Not that bad right? 

I tried to suffocate one of my roommates just so I could go to the quiet room for peace. 

I’m in high school now. I get death threats, I’ve had my shit stolen, and I get basically tortured by my peers. 

So yes I’m going to be fucking angry.

According to kids here I’m a psychotic lesbian. Yeah, I’m going to be angry. 

Yeah, I hurt myself still. 

Yeah, I’m not happy. 

So just fuck off and quit telling me my life could be so much worse because I know it could be.